Women aren’t really taught how to identify sexual urges through girlhood and even when we are taught what sexual urges may feel like we definitely aren’t taught how to process them or act on them. We don’t discuss masturbation with young girls - we definitely don’t discuss casual sex with young girls
So from a young age we are setting up women to be unable to truly identify what a completely mutual sexual situation is. Think about it, if a person is not taught how to process their own sexual feelings and act them out with themselves, what kind of understanding do you think that person will then have when it comes to being able to identify how they feel about a sexual encounter with another person?
On top of this total robbery of information we feed girls all different concepts about themselves as sexual beings.
On one hand girls understand that sex appeal is important and that being seen as a sexual being to a man is almost essential in gaining his affection, but on the other hand we are being taught through the slandering of other women that a women who takes control of her sex life and engages in casual sex is in some way tainted. Think about how confusing those 2 completely different views are if you are trying to chew on them both and decide which one tastes better.
“Will sleeping with him make him like me? Or will he think I’m too easy?”
“Will he be more attracted to me because I enjoy sex, or less attracted to me because that makes me a slut?”
And then there’s one more thing to add to this already bull shit mix:
The fact that women are taught from girlhood all the way into adulthood that sex is for a woman to withhold; but it is still our responsibility to allow our bodies to men.
“Does not sleeping with him make me powerful or is it truly more powerful to deny my role as withholder and give him what I know he wants?”
We have young women sleeping with large numbers of men to defy the concept society has taught them that being a sexual being devalues you. We have young girls too scared to engage in sexual behaviour because they are worried that they will be stigmatised as “easy” by men and women around them. We have young girls engaging in sexual activity without first fulling understanding their own feelings, urges and beliefs about sex.
What we are lacking in is a liberated group of young women who know themselves - who can identify what feels right to them. Who can identify what a mutual and respectful situation looks like. Who are sure of why they are having sex or alternatively why they do not wish to engage in sex.
If you are a woman start this unlearning process by questioning your own sexual behaviour. Where are your urges coming from? Where are your fears coming from?
I know most women over the age of 15 have experimented physically with sex but now experiment emotionally with sex. How does your emotional, sexual self feel regardless of how you feel physically?